ShOULd I cRy Or LauGh?

It's past 10... I am just the only one who's awake in the house. I am also thinking if I should be blogging. I don’t know, I just wanted to let this out rather than staying in and isolating myself in a dark room at nag-eemo. *sigh what pushes me to do this is because of wave 89.1 my favorite radio station. The program now is “the quiet storm” so the songs that had been playing since 6pm were the slow rnb songs. So, talagang nakaka-emo noh.. Pero, I decided to come out in my room and make myself happy through talking to my loved ones online. *sigh. Bigla kong naalala yung quote ni Bob Ong “Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sayo kahit pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin yung araw na sakit nalang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo”. I even got a text message from a good friend of mine... at ang sabi niya wag kong sayangin ang pagmamahal at oras ko sa taong hindi naman yun ipinahahalagahan... kung sabagay, oo nga naman! Parang tubig na tuloy-tuloy ang daloy sa timba.. nasasayang lang... I know that I have no right to feel this way! ‘Coz there was nothing that went through between us. But still, it’s so painful. SOBRA! And I can’t do anything for that, kasi ginusto ko naman ‘to eh.. so, wala akong karapatan mag-reklamo na nasasaktan ako! And he’s right! Hindi niya naman ako pinilit na mahalin ko siya! I guess you’re right! I can’t fight this feeling of mine that’s why I am using my blog for this matter! The hardest thing I’ve ever heard was when he was upbraiding me that He wasn’t understood by me and he was being left alone by me! *teary eyes… why? Didn’t you ever think that I am supposed to be the one who’s upbraiding you! Actually, I don’ know whether to laugh or cry! Confusion’s existing aaaccckk! Why things have to be so unfair? nung ako ang hindi nagparamdam, you’ve thrown a lot of abrasion thoughts to me! Well, I thank you for that! At least nakilala ko yung taong halos makipag-patayan ako para lang mapag-tanggol ka!... *tears are falling… THANK YOU so much! As in! Coming from the bottom of my heart! I am BETTER not BITTER!

Hugs and kisses,
~ Pia